I Love My Dad

I do, he is a great guy, really. He still sends Easter and Valentines cards to his kids, really sweet.

Um, before I get too deep into this, I have to drop a bit of irony on your ass. Today at lunch (a very bad one at SubWay), one of the guys blurts out that he had wasted 2 hours this week watching Paul Blart, Mall Cop. We of course berated him for making such a decision.

He saw the commercials like the rest of us, but still watched that heap. He half tried to justify watching it, ya know, we have had some snow. People are stuck inside. He has no Internet, because he is too cheap to pay for it (whatever does he do when the wife is away??).

We talked other movies (Zombie Land sucked??) and went off on tangents. I came back to the subject as we traveled back to work, and mentioned (lied) that they were making a Paul Blart sequel (which everyone believed), so he has something to look forward to. I was kidding, but after looking tonight, there are actually rumblings on the Net about just that. Be scared.

Ok, irony seed planted; I get home tonight and there a a small package jammed inside the screen door, the hand writing alerts me immediately, to this being from my Father (only Doctors and English teachers write so poorly, and my Dad is not a Doctor).

I kicked it inside and shook off the snow. I went about my usual business when I arrive home each night; get a beer, boot up the computer, check email and try to find something to put on the Blog (this is it).

Later, I went to the package (an 8" square cardboard box) sitting on the floor and cut it open with scissors. I was immediately presented with an unreadable note, written in red. Too cute.

Then some crinkled newspapers, then candy (3 packs) and then more newspapers. I pulled everything out and set the pile on the kitchen table. I set some of the candy to one side to take to work. Saved some of it. Then I went to toss the newspaper (recycled as always) and there it was; A pre-watched copy of Paul Blart Mall Cop (laugh at the irony now).


My first thought was to get my gun and just end it all. What are the fucking odds!! Then I realized, it was not worth the bullet. I thought about shooting the DVD and had the same realization again.

I immediately thought about donating this to my local library, but I remembered they have 10 donated copies already, mostly signed out by Republicans. I thought I could re-re-gift it, but I can't think of anyone I hate that much.

So, here is sit with 91 minutes of suck, and I am really worried that I might get totally bored at some point this weekend and actually have an inkling to watch this.

I am taking suggestions, HELP!