Fake Interview; Britney Spears

We land in the potato chip riddled living room of Brit. Having been seated on a couch by her “friend”, we wait for the “star” to appear. I sweep away chip shards on the arm rest to my right and then she appears.

Brit weaves her way down the curved staircase, holding the banister most of the way down. Standing up straight a few times and asking “Where’s my ice cream?” She waddled over and sloshed onto the couch opposite me.

Boz: “Hi Britney, I am very happy to meet you.”
Brit: “Who’re you?”
Boz: “I am interviewing you for my Blog. Call me Boz.”
Brit: Wretches and throws up into her lap. “K”.
Boz: “K-Fed has the kids, will you be working to get some face time with them?”
Brit: “Dose little shits can blow me. I can have new babas that really love me.”
Boz: “Aw, I think they love you. What would it take to get you all back together?”
Brit: “A pitch fork to get those little asses inta the trunk of my car so I can take ‘em to the dump and give dem a propur funeral.”
Boz: “Ok…moving on then; Is the hair growing back ok?”
Brit: “No, I keep my thang shaved, wanna see?”
Boz: “Already have, thanks though.
Brit: Laughs, “Everyone has!”
Boz: “How was your second trip to rehab?”
Brit: “I sleep a lot there; it’s really where I go when I get more tired. I am tired now too.”
Boz: “Was progress made?”
Brit: “Yeah, they gave me knockout drugs and I slept a lot.”
Boz: “So what is on your plate now?”
Brit: “Some fucking ice cream if that slow ass bitch would get off her ass and bring it over here.”
Boz: “Sorry, I meant to ask what is next in your career and life?”
Brit: “Oh, Ha. We are going clubbing after we call the papaz later. Wanna come? Or cuuumm?”
Boz: ”I might do that. What is on your agenda next week?”
Brit: “I can’t lay out my agenda that far in advance. I have to stay flexible and remain in control of my empire. My financial success is paramount, in my overall professional future.”
Boz: “Um, wow, that was impressive.”
Brit: “I heard it in some movie about some asshole.”
Boz: “What movie was that?”
Brit: “I….” Pukes in her lap again.
I left then because she passed out.